Pondering Hope

You Can't Take It with You

2010-12-07T18:55:00.000-08:00

But you can come back to it. Being back in Garden City has been an adventure in so many ways. From living with my parents to buying our first home, from Joe's unemployment to his opportunity to teach, life in Garden has not been dull.

Things I Like About Living in GC:

1. Living just down the road from several members of my family and dear friends rocks!

2. I really like having my own home. No one cares if I put holes in the wall or that I have dogs.

3. My dogs. I never thought I would be this attached to dogs, and sometimes they drive me batty, but they are great to have around.

4. I like being back in a more rural setting. The attitude here is just totally different.

5. My job has been challenging, but has made me realize that I really BELIEVE in things like early intervention and that the brain development that takes place in the early years can make a difference for a lifetime and beyond.

6. I see city officials at the coffee shop.

7. The coffee shop. Patrick Dugan's is lovely.

8. Living here has made me appreciate my marriage (and Joe) more and take it (and him) for granted less.

9. The snow cone stand! I used to crave those snow cones in Denver. Once I almost made Joe come get me one. From Denver. They're that yummy.

10. Getting to be in the everyday lives of some very special kiddos and their parents. I'm so thankful for the kids in our lives and the parents that share them with us.

The Most Patient Animals In the World Must Live in Mongolia

2010-11-30T11:26:00.000-08:00

If you haven't seen the documentary Babies, you should. It's whatever you want it to be: a happy little movie with cute babies, a look at child development, a commentary on societal norms, or a variety of other things. I have to admit that one thought that stuck with me is that Mongolia has some of the most patient animals in the world. That baby tugs them, pulls their hair, and they don't ever react. Also, the Japanese baby throws a grand fit that made me laugh a lot.

P.S. Thanks to Betsy for helping me figure out how to put the video in here!

A Month is Better than Seven

2010-11-30T11:11:00.000-08:00

In the quest to keep up with things, I have done better at keeping the house chores done about every two weeks or so. Not perfect, but not awful.

I am still not good at doing the things I want to do. By the time I get home from work, make and eat some dinner, and do my chores, there's not a lot of time left. A perfect example of this happened last night: I got home, (on time!) we ate dinner, (Joe made it,) Joe went to work at the radio station, and I started my chores. I cleaned the bathroom and put all the laundry away, all the while thinking that I could do "my" stuff after one more thing. So I made our lunches, emptied the washing machine of water, (it broke last week,) put dishes away, made coffee for this morning, and took all the recycling out to the garage. And then I was ready to sit down and check my email. At 10:35 or so. To be fair, I did sit on my bed and watch a half hour of "Bones" after putting the laundry away, so I did get a little rest in there. So at 10:35 I made myself some herbal tea and checked my email, Facebook, etc. I went to bed at midnight. That's too late for a week night. Suffice to say I'm still working out the kinks of the system.

And I have not blogged twice a week, or even once a week. But this post will be just a little over a month since the last one, and it was seven months between the last one and the one before that, so I'm making progress. I find that I have trouble knowing what to write about. I could write about what I'm doing, thinking, etc., but won't people be bored reading about the mundane details of my life? Of course, I read lots of blogs and am very rarely bored, so that may be flawed logic. And then I start thinking that I only need to write about deep, sometimes emotional, sometimes not, thoughts, like Jack Handy only not funny. But that also seems likely to lose readers. As I've thought about it, I think the best blogs are the ones that are a combination of both, that are just an honest commentary on life. Life isn't always mundane, but it isn't always exciting or "deep," either. It's just life.

Taskety Task

2010-10-26T19:17:00.000-07:00

My dear friend Betsy has inspired me to try a task schedule (sounds better than chore schedule, I think.) So, two days a week, I have put "blog" on my schedule and we'll see how it pans out. The thought of getting things done in a timely manner and not trying to cram it ALL (along with time for friends, fun, and family,) into the weekend is nice. I hope my perfectionist nature doesn't get in the way when things don't go according to plan or I don't get everything done the way I want to when I want to, because then I tend to just give up. If it's not perfect, or maybe if it's not my best would be a more accurate description, then I don't want it. Not always the best attitude to have, but it is how I operate.

I don't have a lot to say, so I think I'll just link to a favorite blog of mine, Cake Wrecks! I look forward to this one every day, especially on Sundays when they feature cakes done right. Enjoy!

There's No Place Like Home

2010-03-10T17:23:00.001-08:00

I am BAD at this blogging thing. Bad.

But, it is a nice way to share information.

And we have news.

We are moving to Garden City.

I got a very good job working with a grant project in Finney County.

I officially start April 19th, (also my Dad's birthday.)

I am overwhelmed, overjoyed, and sad, all at the same time and all mixed in with what feels like a gazillion different emotions.

Emotions about the move, leaving my job, leaving Denver, being closer to family and friends, living in a small town, the new job, how this will affect our lives . . . you get the idea.

So, that's our news. I'll try to keep you posted as things progress, but I make no promises, as we've already established I am a BAD blogger. :D

Days One and Two

2009-10-22T15:49:00.000-07:00

Day one of our "staycation" was pajama and movie day. Of the six movies we rented for the day, we made it through four of them on day one. Without formally consulting Joe, I would say we rate the movies we watched as follows: Monsters vs. Aliens - 2 thumbs up; The Proposal - 2 "ehs" (my made up rating for a mediocre, "eh," kind of movie; Year One - 2 THUMBS DOWN; and Adventureland - 1 thumb up (Joe) and 1 thumb down (me.) To be fair, we watched Adventureland as we were going to sleep, and it just seemed to drag on and on to me.

Day two we did some shopping, ran some errands, visited Berry Patch Farms, and went out for a late lunch/early dinner, then met up with Joe's friend Tom at the Irish Snug. At Berry Patch Farms, we bought some apples, Pablano peppers, two small pumpkins, and two gourds. They offer a hayride/tour, which we chose not to do. We had fun taking in the mountains, the people, the chickens and roosters, and the produce. Tom owns a tour bus and travels all over the country taking bands to various destinations for gigs. Usually when he rolls through town we don't get to see him because he has to sleep, but he was here for several days in a row this time, so we were able to hang out a little bit. It was wonderful to see him!

Some pictures from Berry Patch Farms:

Joe in front of the scenic display set up for us city folk.
.

A feathered friend. The chickens and roosters didn't even chase people!

There are beautiful mountains in the background, but we failed to catch them in our "do-it-yourself" photo. The barn is to our right behind us.

At my urging, Joe struck a "Vanna-esque" pose as he gestured to some of the many pumpkins and gourds for sale.

"Staycation" 2009

2009-10-15T19:06:00.000-07:00

Wow, it has been a long time since my last blog. Sorry about that, but time flies when you're finishing a graduate degree and then spending time NOT working on a graduate degree. :)

Tonight is the beginning of Lowry "Staycation" 2009. We're very trendy! Actually, we wanted to get away, but it was more fiscally responsible to stay close to home, so here we are, ready for some down time.

Tomorrow is pajama day. We have 6 movies ready to watch in our PJs. I am excited to lounge a bit. The movies we have rented are Adventureland, New In Town, Shopgirl, Monsters vs Aliens, The Proposal, and Year One.

If you were having a movie/pajama day, what movies would you pick?

On a Happier Note

2009-07-19T20:24:00.001-07:00

Following my "More to Love" rant, I offer some happier news: on August 14, 2009, I will walk in my graduation ceremony to receive my Master's Degree. Hooray! I will be DONE. I am very excited and completely exhausted from working on my Capstone this summer, but 3 MORE WEEKS! Woo-hoo!

"More to Love"

2009-07-19T20:09:00.000-07:00

Tonight, Joe and I saw a preview for a show called "More to Love." You can see what it is about here: http://www.fox.com/moretolove/. I am appalled at the premise of the show, for a few reasons. They tout the concept that these women are "a group of real women" and that they want "to prove that love comes in all shapes and sizes." Fine. I believe that. Love shouldn't be based on outer beauty, but what is within. But the very title, "More to Love," is derogatory and indicates that at least one person, (whoever titled the show,) thinks there is a lot to these "real women." The bachelor on the show, (it's created by the same guy who created "The Bachelor,") is on the preview saying something about how he likes women of bigger sizes. That's not how he phrased is, but that's the point you get from the snippet. If this man and these women want to be on the show, great. I guess when it boils down to it, my entire issue is, why aren't these "More to Love," "real women" given a shot on "The Bachelor?" Would they not fit in? Would they feel self-conscious? Don't they deserve a shot? Isn't there a chance that a man who does not have a predilection for bigger women fall in love with one of them? And who should I be more frustrated with, the creators of this show or the women who agreed to do it - do they believe they aren't pretty enough or nice enough for "The Bachelor" to love them? (And it's not like all of those women are pretty or nice. But generally, they are very, very little.) Looking at the pictures on the website, some of the women are bigger, some are very average sized, and the guy himself is on the bigger side. I'm just disappointed in society. It is segregation, is it not? I hoped we were past that. Ugh.

Recipes!

2009-03-26T19:32:00.001-07:00

I've been emailing some recipes to people and thought I'd share them here. They are not my own, and I've cited where each is from at the end of the recipes.

Baked Ravioli

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 medium onion, chopped

3 garlic cloves, minced

Salt and pepper

1.5 teaspoons dried thyme or oregano

1 can (28 ounces) whole tomatoes

1 can (28 ounces) crushed tomatoes

2 pounds ravioli

1.5 cups shredded mozzarella

.5 cup grated Parmesan

Preheat the over to 425ºF. Heat the oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the onion and the garlic, and season with salt and pepper; cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, about 5 minutes. Add the thyme (or oregano) and tomatoes. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer, breaking up the tomatoes with a spoon, until the sauce is thickened and reduced to about 5 and ½ cups, 20 to 25 minutes.

Meanwhile, cook the ravioli in a large pot of boiling water just until they float to the top (the pasta will continue to cook in the oven). Drain the pasta; return to the pot.

Toss the sauce with the pasta. Pour the pasta into a large gratin dish or 9-by-13-inch baking dish, and sprinkle with the cheeses. Bake until golden, 20 to 25 minutes. Cool slightly before serving.

--From Everyday Food: Great Food Fast, 2007, page 313

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Vegetarian Tortilla Soup

nonstick vegetable oil spray
3/4 cup chopped onion
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tablespoon tomato paste
1 teaspoon ground cumin
4 cups canned vegetable broth (I've used chicken broth and chicken or vegetable bouillon cubes to prepare the broth, as well. The only thing is that if you use the chicken broth, it's not really "vegetarian" any more.)
4 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
4 6-inch corn tortillas, cut into 1/2-inch-wide strips
1 and 1/2 cups chopped tomatoes
2/3 cup canned black beans or pinto beans, drained, rinsed (I've always used black beans, just because I like them better.)
2/3 cup chopped zucchini
1 and 1/2 tablespoons minced seeded jalapeno chili (This is more for flavor than anything else, I think. It doesn't make the soup unbearably hot or anything.)

Spray large nonstick saucepan with nonstick spray. Add onion and garlic; cover and cook over medium-low heat until almost tender, stirring often, about 5 minutes. Stir in tomato paste, cumin and chili powder. Add broth and 2 tablespoons cilantro; bring to boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer until flavors blend, 15 minutes. (Can be made 1 day ahead; chill. Bring to simmer before continuing.)

Add tortillas, tomatoes, beans, zucchini and jalapeno to soup. Cover; simmer until zucchini is tender, about 5 minutes. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

Ladle soup into bowls. Sprinkle with remaining 2 tablespoons of cilantro and serve.

--From Bon Appetit Every-Night Cooking, 2001, page 69

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Tangy Beef Stew

Makes: 4 servings

Prep: 10 minutes (I think it takes more like 20-30 minutes because of the chopping.)

Slow-Cook: 4 hours on HIGH or 6 hours on LOW

1 large onion, cut into 1-inch pieces (I think I’ve used white, yellow, and red onions for this.)

1 pound boneless beef chuck, cut into 1-inch cubes (I’ve used round steak and it is very tasty, as well.)

1 tablespoon ground ginger

¼ teaspoon salt

3 medium-sized carrots, peeled and cut into 1-inch chunks

2 large celery stalks, cut into 1-inch slices

1 large beef bouillon cube

2 cups water

2 tablespoons red wine vinegar

¼ cup raisins (I have NEVER used raisins. It is delicious without them.)

¼ teaspoon black pepper

2 tablespoons cornstarch

Cooked egg noodles (optional) (I always make this with the egg noodles.)

1) Layer onions, beef, ginger, salt, carrots, and celery in slow cooker bowl. Add bouillon cube, water, vinegar, and raisins, (if adding raisins.) Cover and cook on HIGH for 4 hours or LOW for 6 hours until beef is very tender.

2) Remove cover and stir in black pepper. Using a ladle, remove 3 tablespoons of liquid from slow cooker and place in a small bowl. Whisk in cornstarch. Pour cornstarch mixture into slow cooker; whisk to combine. Stir until liquid has thickened. Serve with noodles, if desired.

Per Serving (With Original Ingredients): 250 calories; 5 g fat (2 g sat); 27 g protein; 24 g carbohydrates; 3 g fiber; 653 mg sodium; 50 mg cholesterol

--Recipe from Family Circle, September 2008, page 202

I Heart Kansas

2009-02-23T18:05:00.000-08:00

I stumbled across this blog: http://themcclenahans.blogspot.com/, through one of my friends on Facebook. WARNING, it is very sad. I later found out that the members of this family are the good friends of the sister of a good friend of mine. (I'm sorry that is so convoluted, but I'm trying to protect people's privacy, since they're not people I usually mention on here.) Anyway, I thought about and prayed for this family as I read through their story, and saw my former Wichita life through parts of their experience.

Today, I read their blog and found a link to this: http://www.etsy.com/storque/craftivism/love-is-a-movement-the-cora-project-3450/. It reminded me why I love Kansas and being a Kansan. People are so kind and so real, and it is beautiful.

Q & A

2009-02-15T18:22:00.000-08:00

My friend Craig posted this on his blog, and though he didn't "tag" me, he did mention in one of the questions that I might be likely to fill it out, so as not to disappoint, here are my answers:

1. Do you like blue cheese? Yes, in small quantities.
2. Have you ever smoked cigarettes? Not in quite a while, but yes.
3. Do you own a gun? No, but I'd really like to learn to shoot. (But I still don't think I'd like to own a gun. I'd like to rent one from a shooting range or borrow one from the shooting range or something along those lines.)
4. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite? Lime or Cherry.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Yes, sometimes so much so that it messes with my blood pressure. That doesn't happen much now that I have a doctor I fairly trust.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? Yummy!
7. Favorite Christmas movie? It's a Wonderful Life.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee with creamer.
9. Can you do push ups? Yes, but I can only do like 2 "real" push ups. I can do more of the "girly" kind, on my knees.
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My engagement ring and my cross necklace. And my wedding ring. And my pearl necklace. And my two rings from James Avery. (I don't even wear that much jewelry, but I have a lot of favorites, apparently.) (And for some reason, that answer won't un-bold, but this little note will. Hmm.)
11. Your favorite hobby? Being with family and friends. Reading.
12. Do you have A.D.D.? Nope.
13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? Lack of self-control. (And I would say I'm very frustrated about it. I try not to hate myself.)
14. Middle name? Anne
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? 1.) I need to do homework. 2.) I need to do lesson plans. 3.) My head hurts.
16. Current hate right now? My cold.
17. Favorite place to be? Home, particularly GC home with Joe.
18. How did you bring in the New Year? I drank champagne with Joe and my Mom.
19. Where would you like to go? The beach. Ireland. Prince Edward Island.
20. Name three people who will complete this? Joe, Betsy, and Craig. (Craig already did!)
21. Do you own slippers? Yes, two pairs. I'm wearing one pair now.
22. What shirt are you wearing? A K-State sweatshirt.
23. Do you like sleeping on satin? I've never slept on satin, but I'm going to say no. I like cotton sheets.
24. Can you whistle? Yes.
25. Would you be a pirate? Probably not. Too dirty.
26. What songs do you sing in the shower? Usually whatever is on Joe's alarm when we wake up.
27. Favorite girl's name? I don't know. Ask me when I have a daughter.
28. Favorite boy's name? See #27 and change "daughter" to "son."
29. What's in your pocket right now? Nada.
30. Last thing that made you laugh? Tickles.
31. Best bed sheets as a child? Blue sheets with Mickey, Minnie, and the whole Disney crew! I still have them. I wish they were queen-sized because I'd love to use them again.
32. Worst injury you've ever had? This dumb abdominal muscle-y thingy.
33. Do you love where you live? It'll do for now.
34. How many TVs do you have in your house? Two.
35. Who is your loudest friend? Susan, a work friend.
36. How many dogs do you have? 0.
37. Does someone have a crush on you? I hope my husband does!
38. What is your favorite book? Well, The Bible. Coming Home, Doctors, and many more.
39. What is your favorite candy? M & Ms.
40. Favorite Sports Team? I've loved the Padres and the Astros and the Rockies are growing on me.
41. What song do you want played at your funeral? "Peace" by Rich Mullins

And the Winner (We Think) Is . . .

2009-01-22T18:26:00.000-08:00

Today I had an appointment with my OB/GYN, who, conveniently, used to work in a pelvic pain clinic. (I didn't know this until today, but praise to God for putting her in my life.) We discussed the recent history of the abdominal pain, and then she did a physical exam. I'll not give you too many details about that except to say that at the beginning, she had me to a half crunch while she pushed first on the left and then on the right side of my abdomen, and I got tears in my eyes, said "ow" too loudly, and about jumped off the exam table when she did it on the right side. Her opinion is that the pain is in my rectus muscle. She said it is a common occurence that could have happened at any time, even just while doing something like lifting/carrying a laundry basket. She said recovery time is a minimum of 6 weeks from today, and recommended icing it and taking ibuprofen. So, for now, that seems to be the deal. I do have a colonoscopy and EGD scheduled, and I'm going to ask my primary care doctor if she thinks I should go ahead and do those, plus consider if I really want to do them, if they would give me peace of mind just to know, (as much as any of us can, anyway,) that it really is the muscle.

Thank you for all of your continued prayers and support. God is faithful, and He puts faithful people in our lives, which I can never be thankful enough for.

Update

2009-01-19T19:57:00.000-08:00

I wish there was more to tell you, but the update on the abdominal pain is that it is most likely not: kidney stones, gall stones, an ovarian cyst, a tubal pregnancy, or anything, (like appendicitis,) that is causing my white count to be out of whack. I've had urine tests, blood tests, physical exams, and two ultrasounds, all of which have been normal. Yet, I continue to have pain.

So, this week I have an appointment when my OB/GYN to get a second opinion about what it could be. Also, after emailing my doctor today, she ordered a colonoscopy and an EGD, which will scope my stomach. Beyond that, I don't know, but we're going to figure it out. My doctor has been great in listening not only to what my physical symptoms are but how I feel about the whole thing, and has not made me feel like a hypochondriac.

The pain is less some days and worse on others. On Thursday and Friday I thought it might be gone, but even when it's barely there, I still have twinges. On other days, it is very definitely still there.

Thank you for your prayers and your thoughts. They help a lot in so many ways.

If You Would...

2009-01-08T13:48:00.000-08:00

For those of you who we saw over the holidays, you know that I was having some abdominal pain. It's still there, and it is in my lower back, as well. I've been to the doctor, had some tests run, and have some ultrasounds scheduled for next week. The doctor thinks it's one of about 5 things: ovarian cysts, kidney stones, gall stones, scar tissue, or endometriosis. None are too serious, except for endometriosis, which can be, but isn't always. A remote possibility is appendix pain, but I'm not feverish or vomiting and my white count is normal. Scar tissue and endometriosis can only be definitely diagnosed by exploratory surgery, while the other things can be diagnosed by ultrasound and other tests.

If you would, please pray that we figure out what is causing this pain. It is interfering with my ability to do everything, including work, and I just want to know what is going on. This is the third time in a little over a year that I've had serious abdominal pain, and not only is it frustrating, it is a little scary, as well. (Just so you know, the doctor did say she is not concerned about cancer, because that would have shown up on the CT scan they did this past summer; however, I'm still a little scared.) I pray everyday that I'll be diagnosed correctly and that I'll trust God, no matter what.

Thanks.

Scholarships

2009-01-05T17:27:00.000-08:00

I was in Best Buy this weekend, and I noticed a sign about a scholarship that teenagers could apply for through Best Buy. I read the sign and started thinking about when I was eligible for scholarships, the application process, etc. I remember how funny/strange I thought it was that when people donated money for a scholarship, they could specify the qualifications of who it went to, things like: "must be a descendant of Irish-Americans in Kansas" or "must be of Latin descent with an interest in pursuing photography as a career."

Anyway, I was thinking about this in Best Buy, and I thought, "Why don't adults get scholarships?" Scholarships apart from adults in school, I mean. Maybe the name would have to be changed from scholarships, (since that indicates school,) to "liferships" or "experienceships." (I'm not good at naming things - any suggestions?)

If I have a ton of money one day, perhaps I will invent on of these "ships," and I will dictate who it will go to. I can think of a million good reasons people might need a little extra money: pay off debt, go on vacation, get a massage, buy a new car, go see someone he/she loves . . . the list goes on and on.

A friend of mine in Houston used to take part in these groups, (I can't remember what they're called,) in which everyone put in a certain amount of money so many times per year, totaling up to some certain amount, and then they took turns getting the money. It made me nervous, but if you could depend on the people, wouldn't it be worth putting in X amount of money each time to get X amount of money once a year? Maybe not, but I think the spirit of what I mean may be there.

The Past Few Days

2008-12-24T09:59:00.001-08:00

Last night I got the news that my Capstone Proposal has been rejected unless I do some serious revisions. My Capstone is my big project, kind of like a thesis, except my plan was to do a creative project. Except my advisor recommended some changes. Those changes led to a proposal that I wasn't tremendously excited about and ultimately got turned down. Now, I really like my advisor, but I am very frustrated right now. I got his email at 7:30 last night. Tomorrow the university closes down until January 2, and my proposal has to be accepted by January 5th to do my project next quarter. It takes one to two weeks to get a proposal approved. You see the problems inherent in this dilemma. I do have another class to take, so I am thinking of doing that next quarter and my Capstone in the Spring. That will work, I think. Spring is just a crazy time at work, so I was trying to avoid doing that. Also, I was told today that if I want to do a Creative Capstone, I should consider changing advisors. What's a girl to do to solve a problem like this on Christmas Eve? I think this girl is going to ignore it until at least after Christmas Day.

Yesterday I finished my shopping, and while I was at the mall I had one of those experiences that is small, but changes you, and reminds you that hesitation is stupid. A man in a wheelchair was waiting to be helped at the Information Desk, and the women behind the counter kept ignoring him. Whether this was on purpose or due to the fact that they couldn't see him over the counter, I don't know. I knew just by watching him that he was frustrated, so I stepped back and waited to see if they helped him. If they didn't, I was going to ask the man if I could help him get their attention. Before I could do that, another person walked up and was helped, even though this man had been waiting. The man then yelled an expletive very loudly and motored away. The perfectly put-together women looked shocked, but not in the, "oh, that poor man, we didn't see him" way, but in the "oh, my what a disgusting man with no manners" sort of way. I should have just acted, instead of hesitating, and it left me with an icky feeling the rest of the day.

Joe is at work, and we leave as soon as he finishes, at 4:00. I'm ready to be home, to be comfortable, to be myself. Why is it so hard to keep track of ourselves and who we are?

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year (Our First Christmas, Take 2)

2008-11-29T21:11:00.000-08:00

So, Joe and I celebrated our "first" Christmas as a married couple last year, but it was a harried, no-nonsense Christmas, since I was crazy at work and going to school, and Joe was working retail. Ick. This year, we slowed down and actually decided to celebrate Christmas at our house, not just at our respective parents' houses. Today we bought a tree, some trimmings, and went to work on our own little Christmas.

Joe set up the tree and fluffed out all the branches.

He's a good fluffer!

The finished tree!

This rock nativity belonged to my parents. It is one of the Christmas things that I love and brings back memories of my childhood.

This nativity was given to me by Barb, a mentor of mine at the church I interned at my last year of college.

I love Christmas.

I Stuff

2008-10-22T18:52:00.000-07:00

I am-desperately avoiding homework.
I want-a vacation at the beach.
I have-a wonderful life.
I wish-for contentment.
I hate-rudeness.
I fear-too many things.
I hear-the dishwasher.
I search-for answers when I should know that God has them all.
I wonder-if I'll get pinkeye from the kids at school.
I always-brush my teeth twice a day.
I usually-have to make Joe floss his teeth.
I am not-energetic.
I dance-when I'm feeling energetic and silly.
I sing-a lot.
I never-get close to spiders, if I can at all help it.
I rarely-stay up super late.
I cry-when I am overwhelmed.
I am not always-patient or polite.
I lose-confidence.
I’m confused-about LOTS of stuff.
I need-to be myself.
I should-be more productive.
I dream-about people.
I TAG-Joe, Darci, Chelsea.

A Tidbit

2008-09-26T18:39:00.000-07:00

We're watching the debate, and I was cheering for Obama's statement about increasing funding for early childhood education, (not making a political statement here, just cheering for my kids,) I thought of this quote that a friend of mine who is working on her doctorate in Child, Family, and School Psychology (or something along those lines,) sent me from her reading.

"...up to half the achievement gap assessed in school age exists before children begin kindergarten."

I don't have the source, but isn't that incredible to think about?

Our New Car!

2008-09-04T19:01:00.000-07:00

Today we bought a new-to-us car. It is a 2004 Saturn Vue, and we are very excited about it!

Fun

2008-07-17T18:27:00.000-07:00

These videos are very fun:

Matt Harding's First Video

Matt Harding and the Huli Wigmen

Matt Harding's Second Video

What's in a bed?

2008-05-26T14:59:00.000-07:00

What's in a bed? That is a rhetorical question, of course. Joe and I bought a new bed today. We've been talking about it, and as both of us were rolling toward the center of our old bed (my bed before we got married,) and every morning I could feel a spring just beginning to stick out of my side of the bed, it was time to invest in a new one. (Thanks, economic stimulus money!)

The process of picking out a new bed was fun. We went to two places advertising Memorial Day sales. The first place was bright and clean with friendly sales people. The second place was dingier and the sales person couldn't seem to find a firm mattress like the people at the first place had. That is the other thing about the bed we had. It was a pillow top, nice and sinky and cozy, but Joe prefers a firmer mattress, and I can sleep on a firmer mattress, so I didn't think it would be a big deal to switch.

After a very brief stop at the second place, we went back to the first place and purchased the bed we liked. It was delivered a few hours later, and we put the sheets and comforter on, laid down, and Joe was immediately in comfort land. I was immediately sad. I miss my bed. I miss the cozy soft feeling of climbing into it. This one is just hard and unwelcoming. I know it will change as I get used to it, and I know it's going to be better for my back, but I almost started crying. It was the first bed I bought on my own. I bought it when I moved to Houston, and it's traveled with me since then. And it's very nice for one person -- it doesn't matter if one person rolls toward the middle of the bed.

So, I know I'll get used to it, it was very fun to go shopping for "our" first bed, and I am thankful for a new one...but I am allowing myself to be sad for just a bit about the old one, which, by the way, is now sitting in our dining room. Anyone within driving distance need a bed?

One of Those Moments

2008-05-03T21:51:00.000-07:00

Joe and I were grocery shopping in Target today. When I bent down to look at some conditioner, I heard a riiippp! I popped back up, said something like "oh, no," and backed myself up against the shelf. I reached back and realized that my pants had indeed ripped in a very obvious and not-so-good spot. Joe was on his phone, realized what had happened, and asked if I needed his sweatshirt from the car, to which I said yes and immediately tied my 3/4" sleeve sweater around my waist. He came back with the sweatshirt, I tied that around my waist, put my sweater back on, and we continued shopping.

The pants are at least 8 years old (how are they that old???) and made of thin material, so I'm lucky they lasted as long as they did. They weren't particularly tight, so I think it was just time for them to wear out. Once we got home, I changed my pants, no harm done. Except, I was at a baby shower for a co-worker this morning, wearing the same pants, and I thought I'd heard a similar noise while playing on the patio blowing some bubbles with a few kids. At that point, I thought I must be mistaken, but now I'm not so sure. If they did rip some then, how many of my co-workers noticed and didn't say anything? I'm blushing just thinking about it.

Poetry Procrastination

2008-04-04T21:12:00.000-07:00

Tonight is homework night. Well, every night is homework night, but everything that has to be turned in is due at midnight tonight, so I've been doing homework fairly steadily since about 7:00 tonight. I have a one page reflection paper on phanopoeia in poetry yet to do, but my brain needs a little break, so I decided to take a moment to blog.

Joe is having a "guy's night out," which I think is great. He met some friends for a concert, but upon arrival, they discovered the concert is actually tomorrow night. Oops. Boys are funny. So, they're going to eat and hang out, and he'll be home later. It's easier to make myself do homework when there is no one here I want to spend time with. Mostly, I just want to avoid the neighbors, so I pretty much stay inside. (Believe me, if you knew our neighbors, you would understand why. There is "crazy lady," who has accosted me twice, once telling me I "scared" her - simply by walking into the complex's office; another time telling a man in the laundry room, in a rather accusatory manner, that I was still wearing my pajamas. I was still wearing my flannel pants and a sweatshirt, but they're quite decent, and I was doing laundry, for goodness sake! Then there is "Crazy Neighbor," who is very unpleasant. He is either pounding on our wall because I let the rocker we have in our living room thump against the wall we share - ONCE - or glaring at us because we spent some time talking in our living room with two friends before we went out to dinner, or yelling obscenities on the phone to someone, which I can hear clearly through the aforementioned shared wall.)

Joe, my wonderful husband, did laundry today. He HATES doing it. It is least favorite chore, but he did it and changed the sheets on the bed because he knew that they were things I was worried about doing and he didn't want me to worry or feel burdened. I came home, saw that he did the laundry, and promptly burst into tears. I don't know exactly why, but I was just so happy and felt so loved and taken care of. It was a good feeling, much better than the constant battle with feeling overwhelmed.

Tomorrow I'm getting a hair cut and then we're headed to Laramie to see Shawn's graduate school tuba recital. I've never been to a tuba recital before, but it should be interesting and fun. A co-worker who is also a musician is very excited that I am going to be tuba recital and would like me to bring her a program so she can see what he plays. Anyone else want a program?

I guess that's it. I'm off to write my last paper and then get into my cozy bed.

Book Tag

2008-03-25T22:47:00.000-07:00

Linda didn't actually tag me for this one, but I thought it was neat, so here it is.

The rules: Look up from the computer, look around the room where you are sitting and pick up the closest book. And closest really means closest. No cheating by running upstairs to unearth your pink highlighted college copy of "The Critique of Pure Reason." Open the book, turn to page 123, count down to the 5th sentence on that page and then post the next three sentences.

"He cleared his throat. 'I am here, as I'm sure you know, because of Albus Dumbledore's will.' Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at one another" (Rowling, J.K. 2007. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. New York: Arthur A. Levine Books.)

I tag In the Mix and Never Count Sheep.

Tag!

2008-03-25T22:31:00.000-07:00

Linda M. tagged me, and since I didn't respond to her last tag, I wanted to do this one!

10 years ago:

I was going to MCC. I was an RA and changing my major every other day. (I'm employing some hyperbole there, but I did have a hard time making up my mind.)

Things on my To-Do List today:
(It's the end of the day, so I'll list 3 things for tomorrow.)

1. Pay bills.

2. Balance checkbook.

3. Read more of the last Harry Potter book -- finally!

Three Bad Habits:

1. Obsessively checking to make sure heat-related appliances and candles are turned off/blown out.

2. Picking at the skin around my nails.

3. As of late, not returning phone calls promptly. :(

If suddenly I became a billionaire:

A billionaire? Pay off all our debts and our familys' debts. Buy a house, complete with a library for me, and the most high tech and complete music room and recording studio for Joe, including instruments and CDs. Quit my job. Donate to things I believe in. Travel. Buy a Mini Cooper. Buy another house by the ocean and let all my loved ones use it. I'm not sure what else - that's a LOT of money. Oh, and I would pray like mad that I'd use it wisely.

Five jobs I have had:

1. Cashier at the Fun Center

2. Baby-sitter

3. Hastings

4. Child Life Specialist

5. Toddler Teacher

Five things you might not know about me:

1. Those air filled advertisement things that shoot up in the air like a pencil, deflate, then re-inflate scare me.

2. I desperately need new contacts.

3. I really like asparagus a lot.

4. I like Family Guy.

5. I am not a huge fan of skiing.

I tag Betsy, Matt, and Joe. You're it!!

Something New

2008-03-11T21:45:00.001-07:00

Someday

Someday I’m gonna kiss a girl like that and ask her to marry me and she will be the happiest girl in the world.

Someday I’m gonna meet a boy who will buy me a ring and tell me he loves me and ask me to marry him and I will say yes and be the happiest girl in the world.

Someday I’m gonna be a rock and roll star and sing with a band and wear a bandanna and play the best music anyone’s ever heard, and that girl will fall in love with me.

Someday I’m gonna have a shirt like that and wear my hair all pretty and curly with a barrette on the side and listen to my rock star play music with the band.

Someday I’m gonna kneel down in front of a bunch of people and declare my love to the girl that I love and be a rock star all the way.

Someday I’m gonna listen to the quiet side of a rock star, his declarations of love and hope, and I’m gonna be his bride all the way.

Someday,

But not today. Today I’m only five.

-->I've never posted one of my poems before, and it's sort of twisting my stomach in knots to do it now, but I've been feeling like doing this for the last few days, so here it is. I wrote this for one of my classes. I was inspired by the two kids in the background of the photo. (I assumed they were not related.:) ) Enjoy!

Concussed

2008-01-19T08:46:00.001-08:00

One of the reasons I don't post all that often is because I feel like I don't have that much going on, and not much to say.

So, here's an event: I got a concussion at school yesterday. A child in my class and I both leaned over to look at a sink that appeared to be leaking and he stood up before me. Wham! The back of his head slammed into my head right above my right temple. I had a headache, then started to feel lightheaded and see stars a bit, so Joe came to get me and off to the doctor we went.

I have a head contusion and a mild concussion. I'm supposed to take it easy and go to the ER if any of the symptoms get worse or new ones appear. He gave me some strong medicine for the headache, which seemed to work last night while I slept, though it made me a little restless.

Joe has the weekend off, and he's taking the best care of me. I feel slovenly and lazy as all get out, but I think today will be better. I feel more like myself today. So far, we've had two weekends like this, where I'm out of it and Joe has to take care of me. (I got an awful stomach bug 2 weeks after we got married.) I talked to him last night about when I'll get to take care of him, and he said he'll get sick eventually. :)

Anyway, that's what's going on here. Crazy that this happened because a two-year-old and I bonked heads. Oh, and the little boy seemed to be fine. That's the update for now.

Safe

2007-12-09T19:10:00.000-08:00

I've always taken safety for granted. As a child, I remember when two convenience store clerks in GC were murdered in the middle of the night, and how absolutely horrified I was that anyone would do such a thing. But, in general, I've gone about my life, my day-to-day activities, and felt fairly safe.

That is changing. I think, for all of us, that changed a bit with September 11th. We realized that we could just leave the house, go to work, and that could potentially be it. I know that none of us knows the day or hour we will die, that we could leave for work tomorrow and get hit by a bus. I'm not scared of being dead, but the process of dying is another story.

There were two shootings today in this area. One at a YWAM campus in Arvada and another at New Life Church in Colorado Springs. Combine that with the shootings in Omaha this past week, and I find myself afraid. Afraid to be at work after dark. Afraid for Joe to go to work. Afraid for my family and friends all over the place, who are simply completing daily tasks like shopping and going to church. That's all these people were doing, and for some of them, it was the last thing they did.

I don't want to be afraid. I don't want fear to rule. I keep thinking, "There is no fear in love...and perfect love drives out fear." I want to be so overtaken by God's love that I'm not afraid. I don't want fear to win. So, I've taken Joe to work, and worked tonight until after dark. I've enjoyed my day. But it has been a fight against the fear all the way.

The other thing I keep thinking about is that it is all so evil. And I fear the evil in it, all around us. Even though I know that Jesus defeated all that is evil and Satan himself, I still find myself afraid. My faith is weak in this area. That isn't a new revelation, but it's a renewed one.

I'd love to hear thoughts about this. How do we keep living without thinking about the "what-ifs?"

Memories, Like a Towel in My Mind...

2007-11-25T18:10:00.000-08:00

I have a hard time getting rid of stuff. Living in a one bedroom apartment, trying to combine my stuff, Joe's stuff, and all of our new stuff is proving to be a challenge. I was naive enough to think that in the few days after we got back from our honeymoon, I'd whip it right into shape and be done.

That was a month ago, and there are still boxes everywhere. I did get the Christmas stuff put away in a timely manner. Now it's time to get it out. But I don't have anywhere to put it.

This is not really my point. My point is that it is hard for me to get rid of things because I associate so many "things" with different times in my life that I don't want to lose. I've thought about this before, but the idea came to me again tonight because I opened a box and saw a towel. It's an average towel. Below average, if you want to know the truth. It's edges are frayed, it's pretty small, (I'm not sure if this is because it has shrunk, which seems unlikely, or because in the 70's/early 80's when it was purchased, people were smaller and didn't need as much fabric to cover them,) and, as the 70's/early 80's reference implies, it is old. As old as me, probably. And while 30 may be young for a person, it does not seem young for a towel. So, to the average person, this towel is likely a below average looking towel, more suitable for the rag bin than Goodwill.

When I look at the towel, however, I see my childhood. I see my house on Bancroft, and younger versions of myself and my brother. I hear my Mom and Dad talking in the background, and I smell our home. I touch it and I feel a sense of homeness. All of this in a towel. This, of course, brings the dilemma: do I keep it, as I have for the last several years, not really using it but not wanting to let go of it, or do I let it go, realizing that the memories are in me, not in the towel?

I don't know which side will win, but for now I think I'll just leave it out where I can see it, because I sure like those memories. Not only do they recall my past, but they hold promise for a future, in a home of my own, with my husband, raising children who may someday look at a towel and see me.

Spent

2007-09-06T13:21:00.000-07:00

I forgot to update after the last post...oops. Sorry about that. We made it to Fort Morgan late that Monday night (August 27,) unloaded all of Joe's stuff from my car and a rented U-Haul truck, then drove to Denver, getting to bed at 3 AM. Basically, Joe's engine is done. Kaput. Finito. And it will cost $1800-$3000 to get it fixed, depending on whether we go with a new or a used engine.

We've been making it with one car. Joe has been taking me to work, then has the car all day to go look for work. Then he picks me up and we run errands or go to my house or whatever it is we need to do. That's been working. Except that he can't stay at my house much longer.

We're working on solving the car and the housing problem, but "good" options seem to be in short supply. The original plan was that he would stay in Fort Morgan at his Mom's and be able to commute back and forth whenever needed. That plan died with the engine.

Work has been stressful lately, as we're completely short-handed. I'm exhausted and completely spent at the end of the day. As those of you with toddlers know, they wear you out - and imagine 10 of them at one time!

We're still incredibly happy and in love, and we're having fun, but all of this is taking its toll. If you think about it, please pray for us. For direction and wisdom about what to do next, and grace while doing it.

I love you all, and I thank God for you everyday.

Lost In This Moment

2007-08-26T18:11:00.000-07:00

This is the weekend that Joe moves to Colorado!! Yay!!

One small problem: we're stuck in Nebraska.

Apparently, Joe's blazer decided to have a meltdown about 20 miles from Chadron. I was behind him, so we got back to town, found some help, and had the Blazer and trailer towed back to town. But this all went down late Saturday afternoon, and as we're in a small Nebraska town, so NOTHING was open, and nothing will be open again until tomorrow morning.

So, we're safe. We're reveling in the "this is life, even if it's not the best timing"-ness of it all. It's funny, because I talked to Betsy Friday night as I was driving in, and she expressed that this was one of those real-life things to do in which frustration can be prevalent. We haven't been frustrated with each other, but we sure have been frustrated at the circumstances. Oh, well! What are you going to do?

Just wanted to give you all an update. Hopefully, by tomorrow evening, we'll be in Fort Morgan!

Helpless

2007-07-29T09:10:00.000-07:00

My Grandpa is sick. He's been sick for a while, but in the last six weeks he has gotten progressively worse. He has Parkinson's disease, and as they increase the meds to control the symptoms of the disease, the side effects of the medications bring their own dark contributions: namely, hallucinations. I learned two weeks ago of the worsening of his condition, but yesterday received news that there probably isn't going to be a reprieve from this worsening.

I'm lost. I'm tired of people dying. I know I've had several years where no one in my family has died. Thank God for that. The strange thing is that in the time without death, it seems that I've grown weaker, less accustomed to dealing with this reality of life. I've dealt with death since I was seven years old, and until the last seven years or so, have dealt with it on a fairly regular basis. I feel like I'm out of practice, ill-equipped to deal with it.

And I don't know how to deal with it with someone else. I don't really know how to let Joe help. It's a new thing, this sharing burdens so deeply with another.

I'm not angry at God, exactly, but frustrated, perhaps disappointed. I come back to the same questions about prayer I've had through the years. How can the Bible say "ask and it will be given unto you," and prayer not seem to work? I have such a hard time with this concept. I can accept that God sometimes answers in ways we don't understand, or that His answer is, in fact, "no." And I know that God answers prayer. I've seen that so much in my life in the last year. I don't doubt that He does. I just don't understand how it all works. It seems easier to accept "no" as an answer, or "not yet" when it's for a new car or something like that. But when it's for someone's salvation or someone's healing or that someone's suffering would be reduced -- how can He say no?

I know that all the answers I want are not readily available right now. And that I can also accept, as much as I sometimes hate it. I look forward to the day "Farther Along," when we'll understand.

"Farther Along" (Traditional, from Mud on the Tires by Brad Paisley)

Tempted and tried we're oft made to wonder
Why it should be thus all the day long
While there are others living about us
Never molested though in the wrong

Chorus
Farther along we'll know all about it
Farther along we'll understand why
Cheer up my brother live in the sunshine
We'll understand it all by and by

When death has come and taken our loved ones
It leaves our home so lonely and drear
And then do we wonder why others prosper
Living so wicked year after year

Repeat Chorus

When we see Jesus coming in glory
When he comes down from his home in the sky
Then we shall meet him in that bright mansion
We'll understand it all by and by

Repeat Chorus
Yeah we'll understand it all by and by

Things I Learned This Weekend

2007-07-15T21:47:00.000-07:00

1. Wedding planning is fun!

2. 2 out of 3 times Betsy and I go to a concert, we will have severe car problems. Strangers will help us. We will make it home okay.

3. Big trucks are best for charging dead batteries.

4. Don't get in cars with intoxicated people. (This one I already knew, but intoxicated people tyring to help are still intoxicated.)

5. Anna loves "swimmin!"

6. Anna is wonderful and adorable. (Again, I already knew this one.)

7. I have a knack for inadvertently picking out the most expensive option.

8. Joe really is the most wonderful man.

9. Being in love rocks! (Knew this one, too.)

10. Betsy could make a living as a wedding coordinator, no doubt.

Weary

2007-07-06T12:05:00.000-07:00

I think I need someone to sit me down and firmly, (as well as nicely,) tell me that I cannot do it all. It is impossible. And I certainly can't be good at anything if I'm trying to be good at everything.

If you wouldn't mind, please pray for a job here in Denver for Joe. We would like it to be as soon as possible, but we trust God's timing - He's so faithful. Thank you.

Keeping My Wits

2007-07-03T18:13:00.000-07:00

I've always been pretty judgmental, I guess, about so-called "bridezillas." I do think there are people out there who are, in all actuality, "zillas" about everything: "restaurantzillas," "coffeezillas," "customerservicezillas," etc. By this, I mean people who get carried away with everything, and bent out of shape if the wind changes. But I now think that most "bridezillas" are simply everyday, normal girls who get caught up in the frenzy of wedding-hood. Not marriage, but the wedding. The wedding industry caters to this. It wants to make you that way, so you truly BELIEVE you NEED the playing cards with both of your names on them.

It's easy to lose your wits.

I'm doing my darndest to keep my wits about me.

Thankfully, I've got some help. Joe listens and brings me back to myself; my Mom, bless her heart, simultaneously asks questions that stress me out, then brings it all back to what's truly important; Linda and Betsy listen and offer advice and help. And many others have offered help. Thank God for all of these people who love and care about me. I don't know where I'd be without them.

An Engaged Girl

2007-07-01T23:44:00.000-07:00

Joe was here this weekend to visit, and it was fantastic! We did lots of fun "couple-y" things this weekend. I cooked dinner Friday night, Saturday we hung out, worked on wedding/reception plans, and went on a wonderful, get-dressed-up-and-go-out date, and today we had breakfast with a co-worker and her family, went to Barnes and Noble where I purchased wedding planning things and he purchased music things, (and I discovered, yet again, that he really is the patient man I think he is. He stayed with me the whole time I scoured wedding books, comparing and contrasting and fretting, and gave advice about which he thought was the most helpful - he really is tha most extraordinary man!) then came home and went swimming.

The most awful part of the end of the weekend is the leaving, And I've discovered that it is much easier to be the one that drives away then it is to be the one who is being driven away from. Three weeks. Not so bad. We've gone longer, and this stretch should go quickly because I have fun stuff going on during the weekends in-between. But the separation is still a beast.

Also, welcome to my new blog! I figured I'd better join the cool kids on Blogger!